Yesterday I was popping a free range chicken into the oven when it started talking to me. "Hi," it said, which was only mildly startling. (Many things around my house like to talk.) "My name is Henrietta." Well, of course. I stared into her lemon stuffed cavity and wondered where all of this was heading. She continued speaking as if my thoughts hadn't interrupted her at all. As if we were getting acquainted. In truth, we'd already been kind of intimate. I had just given her an olive oil and pepper rubdown.
"Some things you should know about me," she continued, not acknowledging my astonishment. "I like a good run around the farm yard, and I'm particular fond of a rooster named Elvis." I swear her wings flapped lightly at this point. Slightly flustered, I popped the chicken into the oven before she could say anything else. I don't know about you, but I like my food to be silent. I don't want to know it better than I already do. But my imagination often gets the best of me. When you mix that with a guilty conscience, (why aren't I a vegetarian yet?) Well. Anything can happen.
Which is why I'm following up my post, The Bug Eater's Dilemma, with this one. I am about to make good on my earlier claim and invest in some cricket powder. Seriously. At cricketflours.com, they have some lovely recommendations. Like Double Chocolate Cricket Crispies. Yum. Two tablespoonfuls of cricket flour uses about 175 crickets. And the good news is, they are no longer recognizable.
There will be no unfortunate glances as I toss them into the blender. No chatty conversations as they try to delay the inevitable. Nobody is trying to make friends here. Yes, there are Buddhist monks who will consider my chocolately snack to be murder. But the lack of form, of flesh, will make all the difference to me.
I'm not giving up on chicken and fish. Not yet. I just need to make sure they had a good life before they walked the Green Mile. I will also be using more chicken pieces in the future. They seem much less likely to engage me in conversation. And I'll be sure to let you know how my bug eating venture goes. I'm kind of excited about it. The Cinammon Cricket Flour Muffins, in particular, look delicious. Henrietta! Get back in the oven. You're not done yet.