Most days I do pretty well managing my wheat free, low sugar diet. I hate suffering through the hives, aching muscles, nausea and brain fog that accompany foods that don't like me. It's not just wheat. Gluten free crackers, cookies, and basically anything fun and well sugared also makes my body sad. Especially if I have more than one serving. Which, of course I do.
We had some delicious all natural chocolate
truffles last night, along with chocolate chip, gluten free cookies. My
body is busy slapping me upside the head today. Not that my brain will
notice. It's too busy wondering what the hell is happening and where I'm
supposed to be and...what?
This has left me wondering about the
following. How on earth do people smoke crack? Don't these people have
back aches the next day? Don't they wonder if waking up in a Hell's
Angel's clubhouse is worth it? Do addictions even allow us to ask any of
the right questions, or do we have to follow blindly until we're so
sick that we can't possibly shovel in another bite, or lift the pipe to
our lips (if that's what you use to smoke crack. I'm just guessing,
here) or, if it's internet porn, then...well.
The apostle Paul says in one of his letters, "I can't seem to do what I want to do. I keep doing things I don't
want to do!' I know, Paul. I'm feeling your pain right now. Literally,
I'm feeling your pain. We are all drawn to the dark side from time to
time, whether it be food, drugs, video games or just fill in the blank.
power of not being able to have, eat, or do something instantly makes
the thing immensely attractive. Hanging out with people who are very
strong willed helps, but my three year old granddaughter can only do so
much for me. She can't have wheat, either, but so far she seems to be
okay with it. She's too busy lobbying her parents for a pony.
are all tempted by things that aren't good for us. Perhaps if we were
followed around by people holding 'I Told You So' signs, we'd at least
put a little effort into some kind of resistance. What helps
occasionally is when I think about all the times in the past when I was
wrong. It goes something like this.
Dear Mr. Sims, (my high
school biology teacher, unfortunately passed away) you were right about
tequila. Just say no. Well, you'd be glad to know I do that. Mostly.
Dear Dad, You were right about some teenage boys. Let's just leave it there.
friends who bug me to join yoga: The stiffness in my joints and back is
seconding your argument. My resistance, along with my whole body, is
weakening. Though I may be too weak to join. We'll see.
Dear Donald Trump: Ha ha. Just kidding.
need a multifaceted plan for resisting temptation. Like a team of
supporters, or even shamers. Whatever it takes to get you through.
Keeping all the forbidden fruit out of the house is usually a good idea.
It would help me considerably if there were no birthday parties, no
Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, or Halloween. OMG. I've just
realized I may have to change religions.The United Church is just too
celebratory for my delicate constitution.
But onward and upward.
I'm back on the food wagon, as of today, and feeling more convicted than
ever. And for those of you who also let yourselves down, please feel
free to join my pity party. Just don't expect any cake.
celebrate the moment, instead, with this iconic, sadly unironic, moment
from the Lawrence Welk Show. Thank you, John Scott, for this.