Friday, May 26, 2017
Sisterhood of the Traveling Mom Jeans
My sisters and I used to wear each other's clothing when we were teenagers. Occasionally, my brother was included. He was ten before he realized that tights weren't the same as long underwear. The tradition of passing on clothes has continued, though unfortunately, Bill cannot be duped anymore.
My sisters and I, like every woman, have shrunk or grown over time, so the habit of passing along clothing has continued. My oldest sister has lost a bit of weight, whereas I have gone in the opposite direction. Lately, my clothes have taken to mocking me. 'Really,' they say derisively. 'You're going to force me over those hips again?' My jeans in particular are very expressive. Sometimes they cat call from the closet, which is why I always sleep with the door shut.
I recently gave Linda four pairs of pants which no longer fit me. They were never nice to me, anyway, being the most scornful pieces of clothing ever worn. In turn, she gifted me with a pair of mom jeans. She'd gotten them from a friend, but they never fit so she passed them on. I haven't worn anything like them since the nineties, when I dressed badly on a fairly consistent basis. I tried the mom jeans on just for a laugh.
When I looked in the mirror I saw my nineteen nineties silhouette. Like fly fishing waders, the bum joined the thighs in a continuous line. And yet there was a kindness to them. They practically purred as I buttoned them. The waist sat high, the relaxed fit gave them the feel of stiff pajamas. 'You look marvelous,' I heard them say. Having a kind, well mannered pair of pants went a long way toward soothing my self esteem.
The longer I wear them, the more I like them. It's unlikely they'll be seen outside the house unless I'm gardening or the apocalypse has struck and I haven't had time to change. But its nice to have clothes that fit in a relaxed manner. 'No pressure here,' they say. And they mean it.
The next time you're in a second hand store, find some khakis or jeans with the 'mom' look. Locate your size, then go one larger. Wear them at home for personal events like eating an extra big lunch, or working in the garden where you do a lot of squatting. You'll love the feel and the complimentary nature of mom jeans.
Not everyone has conversations with their clothes, but as someone who does, let me say this. If your shirts or pants are too tight, you can be sure they're making fun of you. Get the last laugh by throwing those bitches in a giveaway bag. Just don't trade insults with them as you're walking into the store. Not everyone understands the cruelty of a pair of Simon Chang yoga jeans. You can rest assured that I do.