How to Make a Porno

 A very strange thing happened at my house a few mornings ago. It was the day of a friend's birthday and when I woke up, I grabbed my phone to search for a photo to send her. It always takes me a moment or two to truly bring myself into the day. I often start out with a feeling of disorientation. which has only increased during the Covid pandemic.

Sometimes I have a case of the whirlies, but most often, I find myself struggling to remember where I am. It's not like I'm used to waking up in unfamiliar places. But lately, there's a feeling of surprise at my surroundings. Eventually, I'm oriented and awake enough to remember where I am. There is no alcohol involved in this situation. It's just business as usual for me. 

I struggled with the covers, finally sat up and found my pajamas at the foot of the bed. Once I reached a certain age, I discovered that they'd become evening and morning wear. The night was best left to wide open windows and light covers.

Anyway, after I put my pajamas on and did the kind of morning things everyone does upon waking, I started searching through my phone for the picture for my friend. To my horror, I discovered an extremely inappropriate video that was only thirty seconds long, but very revealing. The woman in it never showed her face, but she wasn't shy about letting the world have a 'look see' at everything else. As the rather poor camera work showed a pair of legs, arms, and everything in between, I was too busy gasping to wonder how this piece of pornography ended up on my phone. Who was this plump, headless woman? Why would she think I'd be interested in seeing her choppy video? 

Happily, my morning brain fog cleared and I realized that the woman in the video was me. When I grabbed my phone, I'd inadvertently started filming my awkward and nude exit from the bed. I'm at my clumsiest in the morning and tend to fumble around like an African water buffalo stuck in the mud. But what a relief! It was only me. There was no creepy person sending me inappropriate pornography. I myself had made the porno, and no one would ever know a  thing about it. I deleted it and thought no more about it. And then I wrote this blog. So there's that.