The Box

 I wish the title to this blog post was 'The Boxer' and, like Simon and Garfunkel, I'd have written one of the best songs ever. But no. This is about a box.

Rather, it's about how to lose your mind while trying to assemble the thing. I'm the chair of our church board (I know... what were the thinking?) and fortunately, most of the  care and common sense decision making happens with the rest of the board. But I'd offered to collect what we needed for our year end, then box it up and take it to the accountants. So I bought a box.

Or should I say, a collection of three flat, folded banker's boxes. I used them in the past when I ran my own business. How hard could they be to assemble? 

Look. I know that somewhere there's a guy who came up with the idea for the box diagram printed on the bottom. But as far as I'm concerned, he might as well have used Egyptian hieroglyphics. (Yes, I had to google the spelling of that word.) I tried to figure it out...finally got the box lid done, but could not understand the rest of the instructions.

 So I did what I always do when I need help with a project. (Pitiful right? Folding a box is now a project?) I turned on the ancient computer in the church office and, disregarding the 400 icons on the desk top left by every administrator since 1995, I found the internet and YouTube.

There, I located a video of a man holding a flattened banker's box. He carefully demonstrated how to bend the box, where to tear on on the dotted lines, and what needed to be folded. The video was three minutes long and I had to keep restarting it. I kept missing the part where you have to shove the bottom through and then secure it with the sides. Because if you do it the wrong way, the bottom flap falls away.

At last I figured it out, realizing once again that Mensa will not be inviting me to be a part of their elite club where every member could put that thing together in 30 seconds. I would also  be the first voted off  the reality show, Survivor, if the players needed to unfold a box.  

 Perhaps I was wrong about the Boxer's lyrics. Some of them might apply here if I tweak the words like this:

                                    In the office stands a boxer
                                    Not a fighter by her trade
                                    And she carries the reminders
                                    Of every box that laid her down
                                    Or cut her till she cried out
                                    In her anger and her shame
                                    "I am leaving, I am leaving,"
                                    Oh, I got it! Never mind.

                                    La La La La La La La. (Did you sing along?)

And now, for your listening pleasure, here's the Boxer.